Jokes Thread

[TMW]

ahahahahaha.....

[DeepPurple]

BAHAHA!!!!

[DeepPurple]

A cab driver picks up a a nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome driver won't stop staring at her.



She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."



"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

[TMW]

ahahahahahaha......that one is definitely going to work tomorrow!!!

[UHadMeAtWooHoo]

Great one. I love nun jokes. Always have, I don't know why

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

[DeepPurple]

*SNORT*

[UHadMeAtWooHoo]

Bottle of Wine
(Women will LOVE this one!)
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but
amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women
drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must
be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the
rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a
sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to
drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She hands the
bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the
man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police...'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with them.

[UHadMeAtWooHoo]

The Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances,

and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.

Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland ..

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it say:

~~~Polish Remover~~~

[DeepPurple]

BAHA!!!!!

[Linn]

----groannnnn......